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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
When I come home 4 the holidays I throw $40 on the table & say "Look we`re keeping the thermostat at 75, and we`re turning on some lights."
Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
What if Spider Man has to stop a crime in the countryside