Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I had s*x with my friend`s wife last night and now I feel awful. She must have had the flu or something.
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Adulthood – Pros: You can now eat ice cream in bed. Cons: This will somehow make you sadder.
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
Now that 1 in every 3 people cheats in their relationships,I`m left wondering. . .Is it my wife or my girlfriend that`s cheating?
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.