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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
When people tell me "You`re gonna regret that in the morning"...I sleep in till noon, because I`m a problem solver.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
I got my stomach by doing as many crunches as I can everyday. Usually either Nestle or Captain.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
I only party on 2 occasions. 1. When it’s my birthday 2. When it’s not…
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.