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What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
If you can`t think of a word, say "I forget the English word for it". That way people will think you`re bilingual instead of an idiot.
Some days, the best thing about my job is that the chair spins.
I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Sometimes at the gym I`ll struggle and make all kinds of awkward grunting sounds, but eventually I`ll get my shorts on.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
The less you know, the more you think you do.