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Share this if you are weird and don`t care
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
Diet plan: make friends fatter
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
I react to "Someone has tagged a photo of you..." in the same way I react to a doctor saying, "Your test results came back..."
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster