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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
That`s not how I met your mother.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
No matter what you do on the computer you always end up on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or Youtube.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.