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Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
That`s a horrible idea ... What time?
Step 1: Remove food from packaging. Step 2: Throw out packaging Step. 3: Dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time, Repeat steps 2 & 3 as necessary
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
As i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death i was like what da f**k am i doin here
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.