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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
Just deserts: When a cashier hands you dollar bills back as change. Hold them up to the light like they do when you pay them.
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
A funny thing to do would be to text random numbers with "I got the live bees you sent, they`ll do nicely"
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Pee your name in the snow and you`ll quickly understand why they should teach cursive in our schools.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...