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By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
If you can read this please let me know – because it means I blocked the wrong person.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
Dinosaurs never had pizza and they all died.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
You can usually judge a women`s hotness by how many times your girlfriend calls her a whore.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
My weight loss goal is to not care about the crumbs at the bottom of a Pringles can.
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?