Daily Silly Status

If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?

My weekends are basically just spent splitting a bloomin` onion with my bros at Outback Steakhouse while trying to figure out why girls don`t like us.

My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!

Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.

I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.

It`s so cold outside you can see your farts.

A group of toddlers is called a migraine

The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger

I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.

Part of me says I can´t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don´t listen to that guy. He´s drunk."

Is food porn star a thing yet??

If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?

So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.

You know what’s funny? Lots of sh!t so lighten the f*ck up.

That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.