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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
Insomnia is very common. Try not to lose any sleep over it.
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Does Starbucks have an express lane if your order is 10 words or less?
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
If you`re married and having trouble, ask "what would Jesus do?" then remember that jesus was never married.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
The worst part about being single is always doing what I want. Anytime. Anywhere. With whomever. That sucks.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.