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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald’s stops serving breakfast.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
Explain to me the down side of being under house arrest.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.