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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the “For External Use Only” warning labels.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.