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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
I meant to make you a rum cake but somehow I made you a plain cake and now I’m drunk.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
The only difference between McDonald`s and my work is McDonald`s has only got one clown running the show.