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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
Premature ejaculation and hide and seek have one thing in common. 1 2 3 ready or not here I come.
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
I feel like being that guy that gets upset when people use the term "straight A`s". "Fabulously flawless A`s" sounds much better.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
Yankee Doodle went to town, riding on a pony; he stuck a feather in his hat, and called it macaroni… That folks, is what drugs do to you.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
If money can’t buy happiness explain pizza.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!