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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
My neighbor came rudely banging at my door at 2:30 am, luckily for him I was up practicing on my new drums
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
I was cleaning one of my finger guns and accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel