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Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor`s yard to cut it down is an art.
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
For all those girls that say `all guys are the same` ... Who told you to try them all? Hoe.
I`m one more bottle of wine away from starting a blog.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.