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I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
I wish pillsbury would think of another way to open biscuits without giving you a heart attack ;)
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
It is possible to stay in your room all day and be perfectly happy.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
Is Nudeism a religion?
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!