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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille
The doctor told me I need more greens in my diet. So I have switched to mint Oreos.
At what point in potty training do you give the child a toy smartphone?
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
My sister borrowed my favorite shirt without asking again, so I changed her Facebook profile picture to a positive Clearblue pregnancy test.