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A wise man, will often say nothing
My hatred for Nicki Minaj probably stems from my fear of clowns.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Not sure what my spirit animal is, but I am sure it has rabies
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
My family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you`re gonna get but you can be sure there are gonna be some nuts in there somewhere.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to "grow up," I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
One night, as I as lying in bed, I looked up at the stars and thought to myself: "What the f#ck happened to the roof?"
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.