Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
Proposing to a woman isn`t like choosing a life-long business partner. It`s more like hiring your own boss.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.