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I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
I drink to make other people interesting.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.