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I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
It may appear like I`m doing nothing, but i`m actively waiting for my problems to go away!!!
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $1. watching ur kid bite into a caramel onion thinking its an apple: priceless.
I just ate some generic Frosted Flakes.... They"rrrrreeee alright.
Not everyone understands my laundry method. It`s simple. If it`s clean, it`s on the floor. If it`s dirty, it`s on the floor over there.