Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
The really cool thing about being a husband is having your mistakes constantly pointed out.
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
Whoever said you can`t "like" your own status is just not awesome enough to do it.
It`s depressing to think how much more Dora the Explorer has seen and done in her life compared to mine.
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.