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"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided, if they had built their towns big enough for another person
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Note to self: Asking the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your Facebook status in no way helps you get out of a DUI.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
When everything is coming your way, you`re probable in the wrong lane.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?