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I`ve done so much f*cked up sh!t while I was drunk that I have to drink to forget it all.
One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
There better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"