Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
You hate me? I didn’t even know you existed.
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
Don`t invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I start a lot of conversations with "goodbye" in hopes that I trick people into thinking we already talked.
My New Years Eve = Hangover 4
Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.