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Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
There are too many people who could ruin my life by posting a screenshot of a text conversation we’ve had.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Marriage. The world`s oldest form of identity theft.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.