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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
If you can’t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don’t know where you are!
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
Please pray for the people still playing Farmville on Facebook.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
I was born at a very early age.
“Be yourself” is the worst advice you can give to some people.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!