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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
The other day my son asked me who picks up the seeing eye dog`s poop.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.