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I am looking at this online special deal at Disneyworld and thinking no, my kids can annoy me just fine right here at home.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Don´t believe all the rumours you hear about me, the truth is much worse.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
Social experiments where skinny people wear fat suits teach us to be nicer to fat people because it might be a skinny person in a fat suit.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?
How long does it take to get obsessed?