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I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?