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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
Lady: what Colour are my eyes? Man: 34D
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
Whenever my son questions my knowledge on any subject, I just remind him that I`m older than the Internet.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".