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Screw it, Iām starting Friday now.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
I liked you better before we met.
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying "the economy" a lot.
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.