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That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
This one isnt that funny, keep scrolling.
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
I`m so lonely that my cat owns a cat.
Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.