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It’s 2013, why does good food still have calories.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
Half of life is screwing up…the other half is dealing with it.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Don`t judge a man by how low his pants hang below his a$$...just kidding, that`s a great reason to judge someone.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?