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Detective: “The victim musta had company. There’s 2 dirty plates in the sink.” If I ever get murdered they’ll think I had 16 people over.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
roses are red , violets are blue , I got five fingers and the 3rd one for you ;)
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
My shrink says if I take these pills I won`t see you guys anymore.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
It`s hard to focus on a home workout when your home also contains a refrigerator full of delicious food
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.