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When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
I overheard this guy bragging about his fancy hotel sweet. Ptttsht. They are nothing but cheap a$$ mints!
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
Inspirational status of the day: Don’t be a douche.
WOULD YOU RATHER: have six arms or giant antlers? (You don’t really get a choice; the surgeons were just sort of curious.)
I`ve given up on giving up.
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.