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Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
I hate people who take drugs......like the police.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.