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So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot them?
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Coffee is nature’s way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
People – the most gentle, loving, kind, sympathetic, peaceful and caring creatures in the world. Especially when they need something from you.
If you hear a roommate having loud sex, a cool thing to do is kick down the door and shout "player 3 has entered the game!"
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
Sex Ed should require them to listen to a crying baby for 5 hours, and to watch the same episode of a cartoon over and over again.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
On the 14th of December I`m going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up...
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often
Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don`t have Cancer! Me: So it`s working...