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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Size does matter-just ask Pluto.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
What if I am sexy and I don`t know it?
Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in this world there`s an idiot pulling a door that says "PUSH"..
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.