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If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.