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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
The part of "no" that I don´t understand is the part where I don´t get what I want
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
All my dance moves look like i`m trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.