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Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
If life gives you lemons make grape juice than lay back and watch people wondering how you did it;)
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it`s in.
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"