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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Head & Shoulders needs to come out with a body spray that will help repel flakey people from my life.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"