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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I went to the store and saw that Duracell batteries were on sale just before Valentine`s Day. Someone is a marketing genius.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was "I bet a cupcake wouldn`t have done this to me."
You just don’t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
I spend 90% of my time at the gym choosing the right song for my workout.
I spent 2 hours cleaning this kitchen. Mess it up and I will cut you! ... Love MOM
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.