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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
200 pictures of you at the bar and 2 pictures with your kids. You must be quite the mom.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
....so then I said, "What gives YOU the right to judge ME?" And then he gets all, "Order in the court!" and starts pounding his gavel down...
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I really hate it when I have to watch the same channel for 2 days because the remote fell behind the couch.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
I wonder how many people read my statuses and say `I hope he`s getting professional help`?
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
I`m not saying i hate you but if you were on fire and i had water i would drink it
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.