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It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Sometimes when i`m following a recipe and it says to bake at 350 degrees, I will turn it up to 355 just to be a rebel.
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
It deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pcale. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a pobelrm. Tihs is buseace the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Tihs wulod not be psibsole if yuor sutipd. I hpoe for yuor skae you wree albe to raed tihs or taht maens yuor an idoit or barin dmagaed.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
didn`t get much sleep last night, I tried counting sheep but they kept cutting in line, confused the hell outta me!!
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"