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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Just got back from a vacation in Nevada...turns out that money can by you love.
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.