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Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
Ladies, when a creepy guy asks for your # and hands u his phone, text REDCROSS to 90999 so he`ll donate $10 to Disaster Relief.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
The only time I`ve ever used sex to get what I want is when I want sex.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
Why is it Donald Duck never wore pants but always had a towel wrapped around his waist when he got out of the shower?