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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
what is the first thing a homeless person does when he`s on a computer? he searches through the recycle bin
My lifetime stats are pretty average until you move over to the Pizza Consumed column.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.