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Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
Pretty nice opinion you got there. It`d be a shame if someone were to...not give a sh*t about it
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
Remember all those times I said "wow, that`s cool!"? What I really meant was, "shut the f*ck up, I hate you."
Does this couch I’m laying on make me look unmotivated?
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough