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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
I`ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.