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No matter how prepared you think you are, a retractable vacuum cord will always find the weakness in your defense.
Redneck word of the day : Asphalt. It`s your own dumb asphalt !!
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
If being an a$$hole was a professional sport, my face would be on a box of wheaties.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
I`ve given up on giving up.
You`re right, vodka. This is the perfect time to use a hammer.
Getting a text from someone when I`m trying to Facebook is the emotional equivalent to walking into a spider web.