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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
Google maps should have a “Scenic!” route option for when we’re not in a hurry and just want to enjoy the ride.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
No matter how nice I ask random people, nobody will take me to Funkytown.
Is there any way to really know how many camouflage shirts are in your house?