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That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings...
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
I like to go to the bathroom with the door open, because it keeps other people from getting onto the elevator with me.
If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
The trick to farting in an elevator is wearing a suit. No one ever suspects the guy in the suit.
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"