Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
really vry funny
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
That moment when you wake up at 2 o`clock a.m and remember how crappy that after earth movie was and you go back to sleep immediately
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
Why would you live in a place where the air hurts your face?
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I hope when I die, it`s early in the morning so I don`t go to work that day for no reason.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth