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Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible…but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell!
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.