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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
A Positive attitude may not solve all our problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort!
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
At least a stalker is there for you.