Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
I mixed coffee with Red Bull today..I got half way to work when I realized I forgot my car!
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.