Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
FYI fellas: if you wake up with some chick and you can`t remember her name, take her to Starbucks. They`ll write her name on the cup for ya!!!
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
The problem with plants is that you have to water them… like more than once apparently.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
life is too short to match socks
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?