Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.
Found out today you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at the waffle house... just trying to help.
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
If you`re stuck in the wild, rub two mozzarella sticks together to start a pizza.
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
The only sit up I do is the one I use to get out of bed.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...