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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
My wife thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m awesome because I have the bread.
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.