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If you watch Intervention backwards, it`s about a person partying hard after an awful family reunion.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Sometimes I add things to my to-do list that I’ve already done just so I can immediately cross them off.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet