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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?
I walked into SeaWorld with a fishing pole once. I gotta tell ya, those security guards can really run.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?